7. Recognize That the Break Up Itself Is a Sign of Your Incompatibility and You’re Both Better Off

Here’s something that grates on me: people who just got out of a relationship and lament that “he/she and I were perfect together.”

For some reason when it comes to judging someone’s compatibility, people suddenly excise out the fact that they aren’t together anymore. Oh yeah, even though we were clawing at each other’s throats for the last six months, that first trip we took to Florida was magical. We were just so right together.

While we do all have perceptual biases for remembering things better than they were 2 , 3 , it’s important to remind oneself that you broke up for a reason. And often that reason is a very good reason.

And for those of you still holding onto that one special someone months or years later: stop. If they were right for you, they would have realized it by now. You’re deluding yourself. Move on.

8. Invest in Yourself

The longer you spend in a romantic relationship, the more your sense of identity melds with theirs. Being together with someone in such an intimate space for so long creates a third, overlapping psychological entity that comprises both you and them.

And when that entity suddenly dies, not only is it painful, but it leaves a temporary void in who you are. 4

This is why the best and most important post-breakup advice on the planet is to invest in rebuilding your personal identity. Rediscover your old hobbies. Focus double on work. Start that new project you’ve been putting off for months. And most of all, spend time with your friends. Your friends will not only reassure you and make you feel better in the moment, but they will also help you reinforce your own personal identity again. Friendship is the best medicine for heartbreak.

9. Only Start Dating Again When You’re Legitimately Excited to See New People

A lot of people break up and enter a “rebound” period. Read more